How many journals must a man fill up...

How many journals must a man fill up...

Postby bobbymac » Sun Jan 01, 2012 10:05 pm

Here's part of my New Year's intention. To share more.

For reasons that I find only Emergence Theory explain, my visual access has increased since last week when I made an notable entry in my journal. At the time I felt guided, like I was not writing it. Here's an excerpt from the passage:

Whatever it is I don't believe it's you. Hey, I can see all this can't I? And take a moment, realize, in all the 1000 pages no matter how close I came, I did not write one word about what causes my suffering today. Nope, none of it.

My suffering is what I can't see.

I can only write about what I can see. Even the guesses are based on what little visual information I had.

What does that mean? It means any theory I have ever thought about why I suffer today are wrong. Dead wrong.

And with that, my tendency to blame has shifted. The picture, a pretty wide stack of journals, all littered with my theories about what's wrong with me and everyone else, just hit me. And since that day my mental process has been actively "un-blaming" people and things all around me. Even when it's not in front of me, the blaming words just float away and my mind is (seemingly by itself) choosing to look for a picture to blame, then un-blame.

With this kind of thinking running, I've had some very spontaneous experiences healing. Watching a movie, Frankie and Johnny, today really knocked me out. Felt something, paused the flick, and before I could even "get involved" a whole area of visual access opened up. I'm about 6 years old and Frosted Flakes falling into a bowl then looking up at the Great Tony the Tiger.

To add a sense of how "wrong" the blame can be, what was on my mind (and the movie) was a girl I'm having trouble connecting with. Unblamed the characters in the movie, unblamed the girl, out pops Tony yelling Grrrrreat! and then the visual access opens.

Transference had distorted a wound in and around food, into a blaming theory about a girl. How's that for "dead wrong."?

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